They're a bit hard to see in this picture, but those little suckers are HIDING and want nothing more than to fly into your open mouth. Photo by Angelo Carosio.

You know what it feels like. Walking to class along the upper mall, talking to a friend, on the phone, whatever. Then, out of the blue, without any kind of warning at all, you’re engulfed in a cloud of bugs. The gnats were swarming in their little cloud right at your face level, and your distracted self didn’t notice. Now, it’s too late. They are in your hair, in your eyes, and probably in your mouth. That gnat attack is a terrible, horrible thing to experience.

Every spring, as soon as the weather starts to get warm, they arrive right on schedule. Clouds of hundreds of the shitty little bugs gather by the Quad, in the middle of the upper mall or right before you get to Campion. There’s no stopping them, and they seem to get worse every year.

“Last year I had one, maybe two f**king gnats get in my mouth,” said Michael Gehlke, junior Math and Computer Science major. “This year they are unstoppable. I’ve inhaled at least 5, and it’s barely even May!”

The gnats are becoming a serious issue, as some think that their increasing numbers will soon spiral out of control. The clouds are getting bigger, and worse, they are showing up at increasingly more locations on campus. Public Safety has launched an “investigation” into the issue, and the department said they are developing a “5-year-plan” to deal with the gnats.

“We first have to educate people on the issue at hand today. There are ways to avoid an attack, but they require absolute attention to your surroundings and strategies to avoid contact with the bugs,” said Mike Sletten, director of Public Safety. “It’s pretty much like a zombie movie.”

The admissions department also plans to catch as many gnats as possible in “big-ass garbage bags” on the day before the accepted student open house this month.

Apple introduced a new model of iPod Shuffle on Wednesday

It’s the way of technology that over time gadgets will become smaller. The first iPod was a hunky beast of a device, too big for most people’s pockets. The iPod mini became the iPod nano generations 1, 2, and 3 while getting smaller every time, and the pregnancy test / tampon-esque first gen iPod shuffle became the button sized second generation. Apple’s designers have been at it again, and the result is a device that’s going to be harder for its users to keep track of than a lighter.

The previous generation iPod shuffle was already small enough. As an added bonus, the space that Apple sacrificed for this new model means that the device no longer has any buttons. No buttons on the device itself, nowhere, nada. Instead, they boast that the earbuds that come with the shuffle have the necessary controls on them, and that one of those controls makes a computerized voice speak the currently playing song title and artist to you.

Wait, what?

The iPod has returned to the long-form factor. At least it doesn't look like a tampon anymore.

I don’t know about you guys, but the stock earbuds that come with iPods have gotten almost zero time in my ears. The things are tinny, lack any sufficient amount of bass, and are generally uncomfortable and prone to falling out at the slightest hint of pressure on the cord. Apple is now saying that, at least for now, these earbuds are the only way people can enjoy music on the new iPod shuffle? Give me a break.In addition, despite Apple generally doing a good job with text-to-speech, I’m sure quite a few musical artists have names that this thing isn’t going to be able to pronounce correctly. Björk, MSTRKRFT, and Röyksopp come to mind as a few artists that text-to-speech would butcher, and song titles like “Inni Mer Syngur Vitleysingur” by Sigur Ros even I don’t know how to pronounce. Hearing Fred or a comparable Apple-branded voice attempt to say those titles would probably make the band die a little bit inside.

I’ll give Apple some credit here: it’s a pretty impressive feat to cram a 4gb MP3 player and text-to-speech software into such a small package, but the question really comes down to this: is it necessary? I wasn’t hearing anyone complaining that the previous iPod shuffle was too big–in fact the opposite was true, and people usually said that it was too small to keep track of easily.

Gadget blog Gizmodo seems to agree on this one, and has also added that Apple let them know that they will be selling an adapter that lets you use third-party headphones with the device. Great, I’ll add it to my list of $20 Apple dongles that let me do 1 thing that I should have been able to do in the first place.

Memo to Apple: form is not more important than functionality. Your customers appreciate the aesthetics of your devices, but when you start sacrificing serious features like basic controls just so you can shave a couple square centimeters off of your device, it’s taking things a little bit too far.