They're a bit hard to see in this picture, but those little suckers are HIDING and want nothing more than to fly into your open mouth. Photo by Angelo Carosio.

You know what it feels like. Walking to class along the upper mall, talking to a friend, on the phone, whatever. Then, out of the blue, without any kind of warning at all, you’re engulfed in a cloud of bugs. The gnats were swarming in their little cloud right at your face level, and your distracted self didn’t notice. Now, it’s too late. They are in your hair, in your eyes, and probably in your mouth. That gnat attack is a terrible, horrible thing to experience.

Every spring, as soon as the weather starts to get warm, they arrive right on schedule. Clouds of hundreds of the shitty little bugs gather by the Quad, in the middle of the upper mall or right before you get to Campion. There’s no stopping them, and they seem to get worse every year.

“Last year I had one, maybe two f**king gnats get in my mouth,” said Michael Gehlke, junior Math and Computer Science major. “This year they are unstoppable. I’ve inhaled at least 5, and it’s barely even May!”

The gnats are becoming a serious issue, as some think that their increasing numbers will soon spiral out of control. The clouds are getting bigger, and worse, they are showing up at increasingly more locations on campus. Public Safety has launched an “investigation” into the issue, and the department said they are developing a “5-year-plan” to deal with the gnats.

“We first have to educate people on the issue at hand today. There are ways to avoid an attack, but they require absolute attention to your surroundings and strategies to avoid contact with the bugs,” said Mike Sletten, director of Public Safety. “It’s pretty much like a zombie movie.”

The admissions department also plans to catch as many gnats as possible in “big-ass garbage bags” on the day before the accepted student open house this month.